Now is the season for shopping and browsing online stores, but every once in a while I get weird results when searching for the perfect gift.
For example, a friend asked if I could alter his shirt collar because he had gained weight. I told him he didn’t need to alter his shirt, and that there was a gadget to expand the collar. I couldn’t think of what to call it, so I searched for ‘shirt neck expander.’ The search results showed several of the collar extenders. The results also showed shirt garters. I didn’t think such a thing existed. I can’t believe men wear them. Women gave up garter belts decades ago (well, except in the bedroom).
That reminds me. When I put on a few pounds and couldn’t button my pants, I’d use ponytail elastics to extend my pants. I’d loop the elastic through the buttonhole and then around the button. Problem solved! It made me wonder how many other odd hacks people use when their clothes no longer fit. Or better yet, how many of these would make hilarious stocking stuffers? Picture it: a “Christmas Survival Kit” featuring collar extenders, ponytail elastics, and maybe a pair of shirt garters for good measure.
But if you think shirt garters are weird, a recurring ad from a Chinese company on a game I play features a chicken harness and leash. Really? Have you ever seen anyone taking the chicken for a stroll? Do Chinese people walk their chickens? It strikes me that chickens might be harder to walk than cats. We’ve tried to walk three of our cats on leashes. One of our cats walked on a leash, but it was more like she walked us. Anyway, let me know if you have any friends who walk chickens. But a warning, if you need a chicken harness, buy it at Amazon – it’s almost $20 cheaper than a competitor’s store. Amazon’s chicken harness has over 2,400 ratings so there must be a couple thousand chicken walkers around. They come in 3 sizes and 11 colors. It has a bow – so I guess its only for chickens since no self-respecting rooster would want a bow on his harness.
Ah, but when I looked at the 40 weirdest things on Amazon, I found something that might be useful. You may remember a while back I lamented my fingernails turned permanently yellow from eating Cheetos. And my sister said her friend’s daycare used toothpicks for the kids to pick them up. I tried that. It didn’t work. I couldn’t stab the Cheeto, it kept rolling around. It took me a long time to eat ½ a snack bag – which I guess is I good thing since I shouldn’t eat them anyway. Turns out a company called QK Endeavors offers finger covers for cheesy food – only $20.
Among all the crazy gifts is one gift I think we could all use. I found several versions of the “You Suck at Parking” sign. You can get a whole pack of business cards and keep them in your wallet to stick under the windshield wiper the next time someone uses two spaces to park. We would find those extremely useful in our building because one visitor consistently uses two spaces in the guest parking area. It might not be intentional. He or she might have cataracts and might not see the lines. But maybe that person shouldn’t be driving.
And speaking of bizarre gifts, Reddit has a treasure trove of stories about the weirdest Christmas presents people have received. One user said their family re-gifts a Justin Bieber singing toothbrush every year. The first recipient was thoroughly baffled, but now it’s tradition. It makes you realize that getting socks from your aunt isn’t so bad after all.
When I searched for crazy gifts on Amazon, one of the items in the results was ‘Crazy Socks, Snack & Junk Food Themes, Fun Silly Novelty Crew, Large, Fun 8 Pack.’ I collect socks, so I didn’t think socks with snacks on them were so crazy. And they have socks with Cheez-its on them – just as good as Cheetos in my book and they won’t stain your fingers.
Among all the quirky finds, I also saw crocheted cat coasters. They’re cute but veer dangerously into "crazy cat lady" territory. But I might buy them if I had more space.
So, the moral of the story: one person’s crazy is another’s treasure. Whether it’s a chicken harness, cheesy snack finger covers, or cat-themed coasters, there’s something weirdly perfect out there for everyone. After all, over 2,400 people swear by chicken leashes!
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