To Pee or not to Pee

I awaken. I don’t know what time it is, but it seems too early to have to get up to pee. I won’t look at the clock because I might worry if I know what time it really is. I wait to see if I just fall back to sleep.

On rare occasions, I fall back asleep within a few minutes. On most other occasions, I don’t fall back to sleep, and as every normal person does in the middle of the night, I start debating with myself:

“Do I really have to pee? It seems early, if I get up now, will I have to get up again?

" Can it wait?”

“If I move because I’m uncomfortable, will I wake up my husband? My cat?”

When I was young, my middle-of-the-night self-doubt debates were meatier. They hinged on topics that would impact my life:

“Did I say the wrong thing at the meeting today?”

“What can I do to get ahead in the company?”

“Should I go for that MBA, or is it a waste of time and money?”

“Should I apply for that managerial position, or should I stay here where I love it want wait for a promotion?”

“Have I saved enough for retirement?”

“Should I have told my boss he had spinach in his teeth?”

Now all my self-doubt hinges on how my actions will impact my ability to get back to sleep.

“If I roll over, will my hip stop hurting, or will it trigger my heartburn?”

“If I move, will it wake up the cat, and he’ll want attention?”

“Should I pull that extra cover over me, or will I get too hot?”

“I’ve been awake a while now, should I give up and read my book?”

“Should I look at the clock, or will it worry me more if it’s only 1 AM?”

“Why can’t I get back to sleep?”

“To Pee or Not to Pee? That is my question.”