The Holidays, Senior Style: How Aging Changes Traditions

At some point, the holidays quietly shift as we age. You don’t necessarily notice it happening—until you do. Holiday traditions that once felt automatic now require more planning, more energy, or sometimes permission. For many of us in our senior years, especially those living in retirement or senior communities, the holidays aren’t worse…just different. And no one warns you that one day they’ll come with rules. Like being told you can’t light a candle in your own home.

Image created by ChatGPT 12/21/24

Living in a Senior Community

Senior communities often replace family traditions with community ones: ugly sweater contests, music events, and Christmas buffets. Our community even hosts a New Year’s Eve party—black tie optional.

They also have rules.

At last month’s resident meeting, we had The Great Candle Debate. Can residents have candles? I thought that Independent Living residents could as long as they don’t use them for lighting during power outages (like hurricanes).

They announced: It’s official: no candles. Ever.

Oh no! What am I supposed to do with my drawer full of candles and my seasonal scented candles in jars?

When we discussed this rule, one friend immediately jumped to disaster scenarios, “People could set their drapes on fire!” What horror movies has he been watching? That’s not happening here. I blow out candles immediately after the meal, the windows are five feet away, and we don’t have drapes.

Candles only cause about 3% of house fires—far behind cooking, heating, electrical issues, intentional fires, and smoking.

So if you’re worried about me starting a fire, don’t let me cook (many people would support that), check my electric cords frequently, and maybe screen for arsonists at the gate.

The New Extreme Danger

Just when I was adjusting to the idea of life without candles, I discovered a new hazard: the tabletop firepit, an open flame sitting on a table, surrounded by seniors with uncertain balance, roasting marshmallows.

What could possibly go wrong?

Actually, quite a lot.

Some tabletop firepits have been recalled due to severe burns caused by an uncontrolled flame. Even the models with controlled flames come with obvious risks. Seniors trip or bump tables. Sleeves exist.

Candles are banned, but tabletop firepits remain unaddressed—perhaps because no one has mentioned them: yet. Once management becomes aware of open flames on tables, candles may suddenly seem downright conservative.

Family Dinner

For those who still gather with family, the holidays may look different, too. If you once cooked the elaborate family meal, that role may now belong to a younger relative. Or the dinner may be potluck. Or you may do what my parents eventually did: leave the cooking to the grocery store or a restaurant.

Many grocery stores now offer fully cooked holiday meals for eight for about $100. You’d probably spend more buying ingredients and cooking yourself.

And remember—cooking is the leading cause of house fires. Just saying.

Shopping and Gift Giving

Many of us no longer have the patience or energy to shop and fight holiday crowds.

We gave up shopping for gifts years, possibly decades, ago. It’s gift cards or nothing. Actually, now that all the nieces and nephews are over 21,  it’s mostly nothing.

Our wish lists have changed, too. No stuff—unless it’s PMI (personal medical equipment).

Traveling

People who live near family are lucky. It’s just a short drive. The rest of us approach holiday travel with equal parts excitement and dread.

As the years go on, traveling gets harder. Whether by car or plane, it’s a hassle. One friend traveling from Naples to Atlanta to visit family told me, “This will be our last trip. If the kids want to see us, they can come here.”

created by ChatGPT 12/21/25

The Tree

Many people have given up the tree entirely or downsized to something tabletop-sized. I get it.

I still have my six-foot tree, but by the time I finished decorating it, my body was aching, and the top foot still isn’t done because I’ll need a step stool.

Still, I’m not ready to give up a tree filled with decades of memories. Maybe I’ll find a very tall friend.

What Remains

As the years go by, some holiday traditions quietly fall away—candles, elaborate cooking, crowded shopping trips, long-distance travel, even full-sized trees. What remains matters more: good music, good friends, and celebrations that fit who we are now. The holidays don’t have to look the way they once did to still feel meaningful.

And if adapting means fewer traditions and one very full drawer of forbidden candles, I can live with that.